All she wanted was an answer.

My body stopped responding the way it used to, and no one could explain why. All I wanted was an answer.

Eating hurt. Nothing I ate agreed with me, and I couldn’t get food down my throat. It felt like a fire burning me every time I ate anything. I’d wake up every night before dawn; I slept sitting up.

I didn’t know what was happening to my body, and that filled me with anxiety. I didn’t even know it was anxiety.

I went to the doctors because I trusted them. I had every test and took the medications. I spent thousands of dollars. I kept losing too much weight, and I couldn’t keep working. Even so, I still didn’t know what was wrong with me.

I lost myself, my courage. I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t read, talking was hard. I cried in front of the mirror: my clothes were huge on me, and I had to buy new pants. Everything scared me, even walking into the kitchen. My mom had to come see what was going on, because I couldn’t go on.

Marisol, my cousin, was with me from the start. She looked for answers through her medical contacts, helped me with my appointments, kept track of my symptoms. She was there. But she didn’t know what was wrong with me either.

Since I couldn’t eat, I lived almost entirely on dietary supplements: they gave me nutrients without my having to eat much. Little by little I could tolerate food again, and I knew there was still hope. And I wanted to understand what my body needed, not depend only on a product. That’s why Marisol and I studied functional nutrition.

I looked for answers in audiobooks, because I couldn’t read, and Marisol listened to everything I listened to. I’d slide back, and go back to researching and applying. Always. I wanted to understand every symptom and every signal from my body. It’s a process of ups and downs; it isn’t a straight line. Every day I cheered myself on. That’s how I started to find myself, to live in myself again.

I started noticing the small details of life again. My ability to enjoy my true self came back. I love my body and my health.

I got my health back, and with it came back something I had lost: my courage.

But I learned that getting my health back wasn’t a one-time thing: I take care of it every day. Today I’m in a different stage, and I keep taking care of it. What helped me in one stage may not work the same way in the next. That’s why I keep looking, researching.